The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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