My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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