So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
