how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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