Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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