walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
