walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
