Me too!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
