did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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