god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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