haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
