I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
