put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
