At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
