Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
