I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
