Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
