you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
