Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
