you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You've changed since you got that strap on
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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