hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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