I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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