Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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