What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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