Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
