Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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