i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
