I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
