i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
