I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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