This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
