I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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