Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
