dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
