help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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