Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
