Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
