You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
