NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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