this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
