I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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