I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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