i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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