Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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