Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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