I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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