Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
