i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
