watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
