do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She's the barista slut.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
