Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
