The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
