Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
