i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
