im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
