I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
