I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
