some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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