Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
