She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
