i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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