I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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